Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
