My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
