Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
