puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
