Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
