So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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