he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
