come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
