so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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