I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
