Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
