Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
