I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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