we have officially lost it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
