listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
