hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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