I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
too bad you live with your parents still
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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