He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
