i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
