my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
