It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
