I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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