At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is my gift to your gina
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
