If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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