I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
