No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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