Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
