loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
