Umm I'm too high to move.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
