i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
