Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize