Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize