I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
