that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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