My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize