The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
