yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
