In America we eat man semen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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