And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize