Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
