the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
