You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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