It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
