My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
