i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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