So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
