It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
