She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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