my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
