I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Be still, my beating vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
