there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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