I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
