what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
