Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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