Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
