my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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