I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
