so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got so high we made milksteak
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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