Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
