I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
