remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
