Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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