My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize