You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
