The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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