Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
