I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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