i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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