That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
