if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
