well I can't set my house on fire every night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
