SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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