Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
