He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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