another moral hangover. fuck.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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