My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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