Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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