Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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