Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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