All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
