Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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