I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
