just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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