there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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