And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
