my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
