I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
