she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
