I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My pussy is not your playground.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
