im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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